My Butt is Too Big

My first training session with my pageant coach definitely left me with a new [physical] understanding of myself.  She greeted me on a Saturday morning with her utmost sophisticated hospitality and tea and a bagel.  I will admit that I felt a little guilty eating the bagel, not to mention the cream cheese that I asked for as a spread.  (I knew that my carefree eating days were soon going to come to an end.)  However, she also gave me a full run-down of my body type, complexion, facial structure, and how we were going to work with all of these elements in order to present me in my best light.

Apparently, there are some natural God-given physical traits that we all possess which will tell us which hair cuts work better for our faces, what styling of clothing for our bodies, colors for our complexions.


In the beginning, there is the body type.  I’m sure we are all somewhat aware of this idea.  I am an hourglass shape, but my thick hippy thighs on my short frame can make me seem more of a triangle.  After taking my FULL body measurements, not only did I realize that my shins are the shortest part of my body (I’m 5’2″, but according to the parallel with the rest of my body measurements, I should probably be around 5’7″), but I also found out that my butt is two inches too big.  Of course, it all depends on the body type that you desire, and I personally am in love with my “toosh’s” dimensions.  However, for this particular competition, my coach advised for me to lose two inches on it.  We’ll see how that goes.  (I’m privately protesting this demand.)


Next, comes the facial structure.  According to my coach, I have a heart-shaped face (but after looking at this diagram, an oblong shape doesn’t seem to far off either).  This means that there will be certain cuts in some of my clothing that will complement my face more so than others.  This will also help when choosing a hairstyle.  Because I have such defined features, more than likely I’ll probably wear my hair up to show off my profile.


Next, comes the skin complexion and color palette.  After thoroughly searching through African-American colors, Latina colors, we finally landed on the Caucasian color palette of a deep winter.  Ladies and gentlemen (probably more ladies), I am a deep winter.  Makes sense why I get called for so many “white female” auditions.  Nonetheless, according to the deep winter, I have a bluish tint to my skin, and we typically have dark brown or black hair with deep colored eyes.  Cha-ching!  Right on.  So, this palette shows all of the colors that would go well with my coloring.  There are even some textures that work better for some complexions more so than others.  For example, I would do well wearing velvet because it is so rich and deep.  These colors are also supposed to mesh in well with your skin; they will show no blemishes.  However, a color that is NOT your color will show every line and wrinkle in your face.  Basically, I should NEVER wear a yellow-orange.  Oddly enough though, coral is my color (an orangey-pink).

Taking all of this into consideration, these points are supposed to help me find the perfect outfits.  Granted, I am short.  So, I’ll also have to do some monochrome outfits to lengthen my body, NO mermaid dresses, and I’ll probably have to pull out every clear stripper shoe known to man.  Naturally, swimsuits may be a bit of an issue seeing as to how my dimensions may be a bit curvier than the average pageant contestant.

The needed outfits are as follows:
1. Interview suit and shoes
2. Gown and shoes
3. Swimsuit and shoes
4. Black cocktail dress (opening number)
5. Any necessary jewelry and accessories

And so the shopping begins!

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