Even in today’s society, there’s a thin line of the different areas of “datehood.” People have different definitions, which can then lead into a path of confusion, frustration, heartache, and just all-out anger. Naturally, many times, men and women have contrasting views on what these varying areas are. So, to relieve some agony and embarrassment for both parties, let’s explain.
Flirtationship
A flirtationship is that beginning phase when you meet someone, think they’re cute, maybe get their number, maybe go back and forth on Instagram. It’s the introduction. It’s how you learn about someone’s existence and you decide on whether or not to take it further. It’s the simple sign of showing that you’re interested. More likely than not, this leads to dating, but not always. Sometimes, you take another road and maybe it doesn’t progress into something. This could then lead to always having some sort of curiosity about the person and may jeopardize future relationships. I always say to at least go on one date with the person; that way you know whether or not it’s worth it instead of five years down the road, you have an inkling to link up. Then, it could lead to sex or some drawn-out relationship that was never meant to be and it ends up being an overdue bit of wasted time.
Dating
This is the next level from flirting. Dinners, movies, drinks, whatever makes you comfortable. It’s like a job interview. You’re putting your best-foot forward in order to impress the other person. (We’ll discuss in a later blog entry.) Nonetheless, you’re officially dating someone probably after a few times out together. It’s a great time to go out, be social, gain some culture, and really get to know one another.
Butt Buddies
We all know what this is. You don’t have to go out on any dates, you don’t have to meet friends or family members. Hell, you don’t even have to share life goals and ambitions. The sole purpose of this relationship is to have sex, to relieve sexual frustration. No emotions, no feelings. Just sex. This relationship will also prevent you from having a numerous amount of sex prematurely with people you’re dating. It also prevents from you having multiple partners in the same timeline.
Having Conversation
“Talking” or a “courtship” if you’re in 1962. This is the precursor to being in a relationship. It’s like a trial of how it would be if the two of you were together. I’ve had a number of these while living in NYC; it’s like a new culture. You “exclusively” talk to one another, but one of the parties is afraid of commitment or some title after, say, six months. Yeah, makes a lot…of…sense…
A Committed Relationship
An emotionally romantic relationship is when two people make an adult decision to be one with one another (as a precursor to marriage). At this stage, you should probably do (depending on your morals) what the other levels consist. The upside to being in a relationship is that this is the only level where you can experience everything else from dating, to sex, and if your relationship is super kinky, have a butt buddy to add. I don’t care. Be happy as long as its consensual.
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With this in mind, there are a number of things that are only allowed in certain situations that should not ever be overlooked. Once these instances take place, it changes everything in the relationship that you have, or if you still have one at all.
First of all, showing up unannounced to anyone’s residence is completely out of the question unless you’re in a committed relationship. Even then, it could be a little inconsiderate. Keep in mind, if you’re dating/seeing/having sex with multiple people, those people that you’re involved with are probably doing the same. And, it’s just a little rude to pop up on their party if you weren’t invited.
Being too demanding is never OK, especially early in whatever relationship it is that you’re seeking. It sets the tone that you’re selfish and spoiled. At least try to hide it during the interview process. I once had a guy on our second date want me to travel over an hour in RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC for his convenience of a date location. One, sir, it’s the second date that you initiated. Aren’t you supposed to come to me? Two, sir, umm…why am I the one with the car? 3, sir, because I’m sure you had ulterior motives.
Being possessive is something that doesn’t work well either, even if you’re in committed relationship. Even more so, it doesn’t work if that “commitment” conversation has not yet happened. You can’t be the jealous type if you’re not claiming your so-called significant other in public. Regardless, you can never be envious that they have a life outside of you. Would you really want to date a couch-potato sloth? Better yet, would you really want to have sex with that? Ew. Gross.
Remember, any of these relationship levels can technically go in any order (except being committed; it does take some amount of tradition). Also keep in mind, that they don’t have to necessarily go in chronological order. The romantic world is a game of chess, and it’s up to you to make sure that you check your mate. Check them before they try to check you and check out.
Brooke Leigh Howard 