There are some occasions that lead to the morning after. Sometimes, you just manage to have a late night with someone, maybe from connecting and talking in a more casual setting without sex involved. A more relaxed atmosphere where you can be yourself and really get to know the other person. However, sometimes, you get to know the person a little more than you bargained for.
People who know me pretty well understand that I am a very neat person. I’m a little anal, if you well. I cannot leave the house with dirty dishes in the sink, and I can hardly move about the rest of the day with an unmade bed. It’s just something that my mother and father instilled within me while growing up. It seems to make the rest of my day go smoother when everything is neat. I was even taught that you never bring in the new year with a messy home; otherwise, you’ll live the rest of the year in disorderly chaos. Granted, that may just be a southern old wives’ tale, but keeping things in order does help to keep the rest of your life in order. Not to mention that it tells a lot about a person: how they maintain themselves, what they find important, and, even more importantly, how much they value other people’s property.
Sometimes, I may have friends stay over on the weekends. I typically live the closest to the places where we go out. So, after a night of partying, my place seems to be the most convenient place to crash. Whenever this happens, I always take note of which of my friends clean up after themselves in the morning. Now, if they’re in a rush and have to make some sort of deadline – work or church or something, I typically give them the benefit of the doubt of an unfolded blanket or a glass that was not properly placed in the sink.
Men, on the other hand, do not get a pass. If a man ever sleeps over, then it works within his schedule to do so. Most have too big of egos to jeopardize anything that holds a high priority. Work, traveling, etcetera will not be an issue. A man who does make time for you apart from these things, well, he’s the five percent that we’re looking for.
When dating a guy, I always wonder, will this fool make the bed in the morning? Especially if he is the last one to wake up. Seriously, ladies, it’s the best test ever to figure out if he is your soulmate. Okay, maybe not soulmate, but you’ll realize whether or not he’s fit enough to live with. If you leave the bed looking like a hurricane hit it, when I know that I sleep like Sleeping Beauty, it’s just another sign of what you’d have to deal with if the two of you were actually together. Let alone living together.
When consistently dating a guy, I’ve been confident enough to leave him sleeping in my place if his ass just won’t manage to wake up in the morning. These are typically the artist types, service workers, or those with weird working schedules. Now, if a guy does this for me, I make the bed before I go. It’s the lady within me, I guess, but I also don’t want him to think that I’m some slob girl who also doesn’t know how to scrub her ass. Now, when I get back home after leaving this guy and a long eight-hour day at work, I come home expecting a free atmosphere. Nothing beats walking into a clean home. But when I come home and realize that you did not have the decency to make my bed or at least straighten up the covers to make it LOOK like you cared, I question your childhood and how you were raised. What parent allows their child to go into the world like this? The same parents who don’t teach their kids how to do laundry and then ASK THEIR HALLMATE IN COLLEGE HOW TO SEPARATE COLORS FROM WHITES? I really hope that this isn’t becoming a thing of being millennials: we’re so independent and yet so clueless on life. And I’ll be damned if my future husband and father of my children will be just as clueless.
Situation 2: I was seeing a guy for a couple of months, and we had a late night hanging out just watching movies. The thing about being in your late-20s is that you no longer care to be a night owl and embrace early mornings. However, this motherfucker woke me up at 7:30 on a Saturday and said to me, “How about you make one of your famous breakfasts?” First of all, I never said that I was going to cook. Two, we didn’t even have sex for him to take some ownership of WAKING ME UP AT 7-FUCKING-THIRTY IN THE MORNING. Three, this wasn’t even HIS place. And four, THE FUCK?
As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’m a hard woman to cook. I really do enjoy it; it’s embedded in my Appalachian roots when I would watch my mom create art in the kitchen. Still yet, I am not the most submissive to a man when it comes to food. And I know this. And yes, it has, on occasion, been my downfall in the past. So, I always approach this situation a little differently depending on the person.
In this particular instance, I already knew that this dateship was over. Some boy waking me up at 7:30 demanding breakfast, making requests on what to eat…and THEN he asked me for money to go to the store to pick up the ingredients because I just didn’t happen to have them all willy nilly sitting in my pantry. Fine. Whatever. I gave him a little cash to go to the store because we were going to split the cost. After he comes back and I’m in the kitchen kneading the dough for my homemade biscuits, this motherfucker is sitting in front of the TV and reading a book. I felt like I was his mother on Sunday morning waiting to give him breakfast before church. Men, if this is what you want, another mother, that’s not going to happen. That’s weird, disgusting, and I don’t have kids right now for a reason. Let alone for YOU to be my child. I’m all for men who uplift their mothers and give them the utmost respect, but wanting a second mother figure in your life is a bit of grounds for counseling, if you ask me.
Moving along, we have breakfast, get the food itis because my food is amazing, and fall asleep. He wakes up, tells me that he has to go home TO WATCH FOOTBALL and I continue sleeping. Then, I wake up and realize that not only did he NOT help me wash a sinkfull of dishes, but he left HIS dishes on the table. He didn’t even have the decency to put them in or NEAR the sink.
SERIOUSLY!??!
To this day, I have not yet heard back from he-who-demands-breakfast-at-someone-else’s-house-and-leaves-without-offering-to-clean-up-because-he-has-to-run-and-watch-college-football. Of course, I also haven’t reached out to him.
Going forward, it must be a reoccurring trend for men who apparently have not yet found themselves in the world. A best friend of mine had a similar situation when she, too, had a date night at home with a guy she was just starting to court. She invited him over for a homemade dinner and drinks. Apparently, he did not know his limit. (Okay, men, that’s another huge turn-off. Please know your limit.) He got a little plastered and asked to stay at her place. Being the lady that she is, she properly set up camp for him on her living room couch so that he could be comfortable and nothing out of range could affect the possible future of their relationship. But Mr. Drinks-Too-Much left the next morning after: 1) taking a dump in her bathroom, 2) peeing and missing the bowl, 3) leaving her couch cushions in utter and complete disarray. I saw pictures; it was as if he built a fort on her couch and abandoned camp.
All that we ask, from anyone who remotely has their life together – men and women – just be courteous. Be aware of your surroundings ESPECIALLY if the surroundings are not yours. We are giving you somewhat of the goodness of our hearts and you’re taking advantage. You’re the reason why we blog about relationships. You’re the reason why we get on dating sites because, clearly, what can be worse than waking up to a pissed-filled bathroom? Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed eating my homemade biscuits and gravy, but I would smack the absolute SHIT out of my child if I ever heard of them doing that. I would feel that I failed as a parent if my child had no home training. Is common sense really not that common?
The funny thing is, men always complain about how women are not women anymore. How we’re too independent and don’t know how to treat a man. It’s the turn of the new age and roles are beginning to reverse. You know what, you’re right. Let’s move forward with that frame of mind. I’ll stay at your place and leave dirty pads open and on display in your trash. My femininity will be all out in the open for you. Have fun.
Brooke Leigh Howard 