I never seriously imagined that personal politics would dictate the outcome to any relationship that I have. Of course, we all have our set criteria that we think is important when it comes to choosing a significant other. Whether it’s a great face, great body, good job, a lot of money, if the person comes from a decent background, rich in faith, or whatever. Occasionally, we debate about whether or not we could deal with someone who is too far right or too far left, but it’s one of those thoughts that you’re not really set on until you actually experience it. Spur of the moment. Unplanned. And on a good, cozy night made for cuddling.
The first time anything remotely related to a “taboo subject” (topics that one would not discuss during an interview) came about several months ago. A guy I was seeing revealed to me that he didn’t believe in God. Being a spiritual woman, I told him how difficult it was hearing something like this from a potential mate. However, he wanted to believe in a higher power and was open for that possibility. So, in my mind, maybe I felt like I could teach him to believe in God again or lead him to the way of spiritual enlightenment. In reality, the person has to find it themselves, but I was optimistic. Whatever the case, it was not a super huge deal to me. Possibly because he wasn’t an all-out atheist or didn’t belong to some weird cult.
Nonetheless, moving forward, my area of “taboo” topics became real as a guy and I decided to have a discussion over the Bible after a couple of months of dating. Being the word philosopher that I am (or more or less, someone who plays with the meaning of words), I don’t typically take things too literal but more in a context of timing. What is pertinent for that period. I don’t expect for everyone to agree with my logic, but I use it to test how they feel about things. One of which happens to be the teachings of the Bible.
After several debates over Genesis and the story of Adam of Eve, we landed on the topic of homosexuality. I come from a fairly liberal background. Since my childhood, I’ve experienced people who were attracted to others of the same sex, or even wanted to be the opposite sex. It was no problem to me. At the end of the day, I felt as if we all have our own vice, and God loves his children regardless. No sin is greater than the other. This guy, however, felt differently.
First, we began on the general topic of homosexuality. He disagreed with it. I can tolerate those feelings. Some people are just not a fan, mostly because they don’t understand. Or are Bible thumpers and choose to follow their scriptures of choice. But I wanted to pry further. Gay marriage? Nope, he wasn’t feeling that either. But he did think that someone like Kim Davis should have done her job correctly. Then, he continued with saying how homosexuals choose to live in a life of sin.
I didn’t know that we could choose who we love? Do you know the pain and frustration I could’ve prevented if I didn’t like any of those narcissistic jerks of my past?
At this point, I was astounded. And not in a good way. So, my questions continued.
Do you think they’ll all be damned to hell? — Yes. And then the story of Sodom and Gomorrah popped up.
“Do you really know what sodomy is? It’s anal and oral sex,” I said. He believed that this, for some reason, only applied to homosexuals. CLEARLY because heterosexuals don’t do this at all. I didn’t continue further with the history of the story, just wanted to get a clue on other feelings that he had.
So, I asked, “What about you? You have your own sins. You’ve committed premarital sex.” His excuse? He doesn’t do it all the time and homosexuality is a lifestyle. Apparently, having premarital sex — for his case at least — just lasts a few minutes and then we can all go on living our godly lives.
“Well, do you think homosexuality is worse than pedophilia? They’re mentioned together in the Bible.” His answer: Yes, homosexuality is worse.
Me: What if your child is gay?
Him: That is not an option.
I continued, “Well, how do you respond to homosexuals who may be around you at a party or event?” His answer: They wouldn’t be there because they want to hang around with their own kind.
Finally, me: But what if they believe in God?
Him: They don’t really believe in God if they live in that life of sin.
And to top it off? He doesn’t even go to church.
I was appalled and disgusted, and I told him to leave to my place. Never would I have thought that someone in my age group could be so bigoted and old-fashioned with their frame of mind. Especially someone of color. For so many years, people tried to use Bible passages to keep minorities from interracial marriage or keep people in bondage and slavery, and now we use it to keep two sane people from loving one another? — who sincerely love each other. Not just running around having sex with whoever whenever wherever. Instead, these people sincerely love one another and develop romantic relationships. And you’re telling me that they’ll face fire and brimstone no matter how good of a person they are? While you sit in God’s chair and place judgment? Negative. Don’t get me wrong, I really don’t know. No one knows the truth of our outcome in the next life. But at least while I am here on this earth, I am not going to waste my time telling who should love who when I still have my own life to handle.
In all reality, this is something that you should want to mention in whatever romantic relationship that you encounter. I always heard that certain areas are deal breakers when it comes to dating: children, money, and apparently views on homosexuality. I had to explain this to the guy over and over (which he still doesn’t understand) that I could not imagine being with someone like this who would potentially teach our children the same ideals. And how could you disown your child or frighten your child from being who they really are?
The next time I went out with a guy, I was sure to ask him his views on politics, religion, women’s rights and gay rights during my “first five dates” interview questions. Thankfully, he passed. At least at that level.
Nonetheless, when dating in the adult world, I never figured that I would have to consider someone’s social views as breaking points on whether they could be someone with whom I could spend my future. Of course, everyone has their own experiences, which shape the people who they become. But some views, to me, just seem old-fashioned and way too judgmental. Regardless if a certain lifestyle isn’t deemed correct, think about your other daily actions and if those are standard by The Book, as well. It all just seems hypocritical to me. And I simply couldn’t imagine making up excuses for my significant other as to why he couldn’t make it to a same-sex wedding between my friends or if he were to outcast our child. Who are we as people to pick and choose what is right and what is wrong if it doesn’t impose harm to another person?