We have all been the victim or player of the curb a time or two. Typically, if we’re ever the victim as women, then usually men do something out of the ordinary that earns them the title of “assholes.” That is not grounds for “curving.” That’s called “being shady and disappearing like every other man who is afraid of commitment.” Instead, women usually will send subtle hints to let men know that she’s not interested — in polite ways to not be rude. Then again, she could say how her feelings have changed or she’s dating someone else or roundabout ways to show that she — more poetically — does not fancy the man who is trying to woo or charm her. Men have dubbed this dating ritual as “curving,” when in reality we’re just trying to tell him that we don’t want none. Sadly, a man never listens until six months down the road, you’re still telling him no and he’s calling you every bitch in the book for wasting his time.
I have been accused of “curving” on a few occasions. And it’s not as if I’m trying to be a love-interest tease. If I want you, you would know. But for whatever reason, the guys who typically consider women of “curving” are men who:
1) We never wanted, and/or
2) Are trying to come up with some sort of excuse as to why no woman wants them.
For instance, I was dating a guy (one of my previous “Bob”s), and something happened in our relationship that made things change. I was no longer interested in him. Normally, when something like this happens, it’s usually the icing on the cake. Maybe he wasn’t very attractive plus being a bad kisser, plus not being that intelligent, plus doing or saying something that I considered ridiculously stupid. This would then result in me telling him that I did not care for his actions or words and that we should go our separate ways.
Hilariously enough, most guys never understand these words when you come out right and tell them. You stop contacting them, stop hanging out, find other things to do, and they think that you’ve abandoned them or “curved” them, if you will. Basically, they feel as if you just up and left the romantic situation without giving some sort of heads up. No, sir. No. If you really understood a woman’s body language or the words that come out of her mouth, then you’d understand that we were always upfront. Well, most of the time.
Moving forward, the two parties enter a weird “No Man’s Land.” Essentially, Group “Man” starts a whole new chase for the woman. He goes out of the way trying to get in touch with her or says really awkward things that, he believes, will win her back. Group “Woman” tries to fight her newfound strength of not giving a shit to prevent herself from going off on Group Man again and again as to why she is no longer or never was interested. This cycle continues back and forth until either Group Man gets tired after a couple of years of being a pest and finds a new victim of his corny ways. Or the game ends if Group Woman either goes off on Man and he spreads her business (whether true or false) in retaliation, or she gives in and dates this man who she has no interest. They date for a while. She gets caught up in Man, caring more for him than she ever meant to. Man does something stupid to hurt Woman. Man gains power and is in the driver’s seat. Woman then becomes the weakling in a situation that she never wanted.
Women, see how we’re always prone to lose no matter the scenario?
Understanding the curve is to not be a victim of the curve, man or woman. You could possibly find yourself in a position of vulnerability, embarrassment and helplessness. In a situation that you never intended to happen. Regretting the choices that you ever made with this person who decided to play the game (either deliberately or unintentional) with you. Just be aware. Know the signs. Don’t be a fool and strike out for your own unawareness.