Managing Friends Out of Your Relationship

Sometimes, women are dumb enough to allow our friends to dictate our relationships, or lack thereof. Whether a woman is seeking advice on how to get a guy, maintain a guy, or maybe she doesn’t ask anything at all and her friend just manages to give her her two cents whether or not anyone really wants to hear it. No one truly knows what’s going on to be relationship experts or truth seekers.

polling_help_5_cents_the_doctor_is_in_peanuts_lucy_van_pelt_psychiatric_booth_charles_shulzI’ve participated on both sides of the coin: Asking any and everyone tips on how to handle my situation or friends coming to me on how to handle men. Truth is, I’m just indecisive and never really want my friends’ opinion. I only go to people for their opinions to kill time on making my decision public. Or I’m just voicing my frustration, ranting it all out. Then, people ask me shit when I really don’t know what the hell is going on. They expect for me to be some guru when all I have is a dating blog complaining about relationships and self-discovery. But for some reason, this gives me “relationship expert grounds.” Like Carrie Bradshaw. Who could never keep a man, chased a married man, chained smoked, and wore traditional bras with halter tops. In winter time.

article-debbie4fFrom a young age, my mother taught me: When it comes to a man, you have no best friend. This lives in a variety of ways. For one, you could get super comfortable with your girl friend being around your guy, and before you know, they’re too chummy and he’s breaking up with you to be with her. Don’t plant a seed for a tree to grow in someone else’s garden. But it also applies to allowing your girlfriends to be way too involved in your business.

Maybe you have friends who are also mutual friends with your guy. Or they just think that he’s an overall good person. This type could always be a little skeptical whenever you tell them of any issues. They may not believe that there are any actual issues, you could end up doubting yourself and your feelings and get caught up — unexpectedly — in a messy situation. It’s not uncommon. This friend is “Type 1.”

On the upside, this friend seems fairly positive…at first. She doesn’t pry; you actually get her involved. You tell her some of the stuff that’s going on. And she seems very encouraging for you to continue with your relationship of whatever status it may be. But then she could become too critical of the choices you make, that you’re not trying your hardest with your relationship. She’s annoying because she doesn’t agree with you. And finds ways to not agree with you. Maybe she’s super uptight and conservative, or maybe she doesn’t have a man of her own and is living through you. She’s great, but then really, no she isn’t at all. You realize that Wicked may have been written for her alter ego.

“Type 2” may be bitter or angry, but it all comes out Martin-vs.-Pam12in her self-righteous advice to you. Maybe she doesn’t have a man. Maybe she just got out of a bad relationship. Maybe she’s just always that annoyed/frustrated/”I-don’t-wanna-be-here” friend in the group who’s always a bit cynical around men. Best thing is, she thinks that she knows everything. Especially about your relationship. Quick to tell you when to drop your guy, what to say to guys who try flirt with you, maybe what you should or shouldn’t wear. No matter what her background story is, she’s negative as hell. Let’s face it, we all have that friend who has somehow managed to manipulate a relationship or two of ours. She’s a bit jealous and would probably want for you to be dating her instead (basically wanting the majority of your attention). Who knows. She could be single or have a relationship of her own. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that’s consistent is that she’s evil towards men, hates them all, doesn’t care if you know it and it reflects into your own relationship.

On the contrary, when this friend is happy, the entire world knows just how happy this crazy woman is. She may be even be a little hypocritical with how she responds to her own relationships in comparison to yours. But she’s still dangerous because her negative energy may make people wonder if you share the same energy.

But in a perfect world, you have to manage your relationships on your own. Trust your own opinion. No one knows what’s really going on except for you and your partner/potential boo. Otherwise, always listening to multiple views on a situation can help you decide ultimately on what you really want for yourself. Don’t get me wrong, always value your friends’ opinions for — just that — their opinions. Their thoughts, their views. Hear what they’re saying, take it into consideration, but you don’t have to follow it. I’ve been here time and time again, and after enough trial and error, you’d think I would have it figured out. Possibly. 

At the end of the day, know who you can and cannot tell your business. Who will and will not use your relationship against you. It’s a tough world out there, and competition is steep. Not every sister is down for your best interest. 

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