Yeah, He’s Engaged…So What?

There comes a time in every woman or man’s life where an ex gets engaged. Maybe some of us experience this natural phenomenon more than once; it’s just the progression of life. However, it only becomes outrageous when the other person is completely in denial of their past life. It’s even more ridiculous when that “past life” wasn’t so long ago and can’t be erased.

The issue of becoming an adult in this day and age is the deemed importance of social media. Everyone has some form of it. Really, no one can escape its wrath. Whether it’s a job asking for it, peer pressure from friends, it’s the only way to keep in touch with people for high school reunions, or maybe it’s the only way that a dating app can be valid. And, more than likely, anyone who may have been a possible contender also had a presence on social media.

As we get older, we get smarter. In the dating world, I do not add guys that I’ve dated on most social media platforms. It can get messy. Maybe he starts liking and commenting on everything, or maybe he sees another guy liking a picture and gets jealous. It’s just too much to handle. So, social media is only allowed when a “potential” becomes a “definite,” or if we’ve just somehow entered the friend zone and romantic ties are lost.

However, some of us were not as brilliant when we were younger. And I was one of these people. Graduating high school and going to college was a rite of passage into adulthood. And, for whatever reason, having certain social media accounts went hand-in-hand with this ideology. Add as many friends as possible, I had to seem as if I was more popular than who I really was because, clearly at a school of 20-thousand kids, I had to know all of them on Facebook. (To be fair, I probably don’t know about a third of these people when their birthdays pop up on my newsfeed.)

Nonetheless, friending or following dates was something else that happened. Whether it was on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter even (because some guys are intelligent enough to follow), I had to be connected to the guy. Or maybe, he had to be connected to me. Possibly, it was our way of snooping on one another to really see what the other person was truly about without going through that insanely awkward stage of going on actual dates and asking ACTUAL questions. Then again, maybe we were just so into one another, that we wanted to know all about the other person. Blah blah blah. If I was as smart then as I am now.

I could hardly give two shits about half of those fuckers running up and down my timeline.

Until I saw one guy get engaged after trying to change his social media persona. Whatever, didn’t care. He was an ass and had way too much confidence (and believe me, NOTHING about him warranted that much arrogance). He was insanely critical about what I wore while we went out, how I ate, what makeup I wore and how much of it I wore, how I did my hair, and my career choice. Any of my life choices, for that matter. And we didn’t even date for a long period of time, but the chase went on for years. You would think that he was Casanova with Boris Kodjoe’s physique and embody the sexy kinetic energy of Magic Mike. Womp. Womp. Wooommmp.

But, of course, I’m a sucker for guys who appear nice in the beginning but become every mother’s nightmare of her son after about 2–3 months. Regardless, I moved on from his happy engagement posts and carried on with life. A friend of mine a few months later revealed to me that she dated the guy as well. Putting two and two together, we dated him at the same time, shared similar stories, laughed, called him names, and pitied the woman he was to marry.

Naturally, I have a petty gene where I tend to want the last laugh. I contacted the guy, confronted him about why he didn’t tell me he was dating my friend and me simultaneously, and he blew it off with, “That was so long ago. I’m engaged now. I don’t think about that anymore.” Excuse me? Just because you don’t think about the past doesn’t mean that that shit doesn’t exist. Especially in a world of social media where everything pretty much has a paper trail. You cannot delete your wrongdoings, you cannot excuse yourself for disrespecting others, and you cannot pretend that you’re a saint…especially in the eyes of social media. Especially when it REALLY wasn’t that long ago. (Just to give an idea of how recent, here’s a previous post about him: read here.)

Moving forward, I tread lightly when it comes to social media and men I date. In this particular situation, it kind of worked in my favor that I could tell this balding dick-wad that he’s not innocent. But otherwise, it’s two worlds that should not mix. Seeing exes get married and happily live other lives; I’ve even been blocked post-social media friendships to keep from seeing these joyful moments. Hell, some of my friends have even been blocked to keep from reporting back to me.

But there’s also something about having guys I’m courting seeing my intimate moments with family or maybe that I’m hanging out with friends instead of on a date with them (or maybe on a date with some other guy) that just ruins the entire concept of personal confidentiality. And I would not want to see them getting cleaned up for a night to go and flirt with some other girls. We all have some sort of stalking nature about us occasionally, but to constantly be reminded of who you’re dating is not healthy. We need some space in this technologically advanced world.

So, over the years, I have seen guys get engaged, married, have kids, or fall off the face of the earth thanks to social media. And I’m sure they’ve seen me do whatever the hell it is that they think I’m doing. At this point, the social media trail has already been written, but I’ll be damned if any new ones think that they can slide their way in.

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